JURY DUTY: Random News

-Since the winter is near, it's time to find something good to reading. My recomendation: The Isis Papers. There has always been a lot of controversary surrounding this book. I read it in college and I thought it was interesting. So, I guess I'll read it again. (Just consider it a sort of Low-Budget Oprah Book Club.)
-Congrats to my homie Shane Tomilinson. He's an up-and-comming model. I was in the book store and saw him on the cover of a book! I was trippin! Congradulations and I wish you much success.

JURY DUTY: Random News

Halloween Memories
I remember when I was 5 years-old and my mom wanted to dress me up as a princess. My usual day consisted of riding my Knight Rider Big Wheel, playing football, and rolling around in the dirt with my brothers. Princess costume? Definitely wasn't feeling that! So, I asked my mom if I could make my own costume. I wanted to be Snoopy. I love Snoopy! (I wonder if the Great Pumpkin is coming on tonight?) My costume was a Snoopy shirt, a R-Kelly black eye mask, and my mom braided up my hair into ponytails that were my 'ears.' I was fresh! But everybody kept asking me, "what are you for Halloween?" I would pull on my shirt and point to Snoopy. I mean, wasn't it obvious?! Just because they lacked imagination, they wanted to make me out to be the one who was crazy. *Hump* Go figure... What was your most memorable Halloween costume / memory?

JURY DUTY: MY LIFE

I used to love the show Seinfeld. I still watch the re-runs. This show reminds me of my own life. My friend asked me the other day how I can think of so many things to write about everyday. If he only lived a day in my shoes! Things happen to me on a daily basis that I can't explain. It's like the Richard Bey Show, "Where do they find these people!?" Everyday I ask myself that question... at least twice. Are you a Seinfeld lover? What's your favorite episode? I think my top 3 are: 1) Muffin Tops, 2) The Soup Nazi, and 3) The Big Salad. I'm trying to get the box sets on DVD, but I'm not paying that much for it...

JURY DUTY vs. DATELINE PERVS

Case #: DoUreallyKnowWhoIsAroundU

Facing Chares of: Stupidity and Pervertedness (is that even a word?)

Whe Friday evening hits, my phone is blowin up. "DC, what are you gettin into... where are you going?" Nowhere! I'm not into the club scene anyway. I'm going to be watching Dateline doing the undercover stings on child preditors. If you haven't seen it, you need to get a clue. This past week they were in some town in Georgia. They caught a minster, a Rabbi , and a doctor. You have to watch it yourself to see just how sick these perverts are. I think it comes on Saturdays, too. Makes me happy that I don't have children.

Verdict: I think my verdict is the last thing these sick mofo's have to worry about.

JURY DUTY vs. VARIOUS INDIVIDUALS

Case #: NotGonnaBAble2DoIt

Facing Charges of: Being in the Weeds 24-7

I'm training this new guy who looks and acts like Fonzie "The Umbrella Man.' I spent ALL morning explaing what to do. Why did I even waste my time? This guy is not just in the weeds... but burried somewhere under them. This other guy that works at my office is also sus. I call Jake and The Fat Man. He's always hungry and I don't know how the hell he gets that button-up on that lard belly! We also call him Fat Man Scoop! He screams when he talks and always jumps in your convo. Nobody ever starts a convo with Jake, he always initiates! Jake has an accomplice... the Piggy. When Piggy is here, together they are Jake and the Piggy. (Can you tell that I'm close to losing my mind?) Then there is the Resident Dramatic Cunt or The R.D.C. (More on that another day.) Needless to say, they are all going on trial today!

Verdict: Guilty, guilty, guilty! All three... Go to jail... Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars.

JURY DUTY: Random News

-Patriots beat Vikings 31-7
-A fan is ejected after calling Mutombo a monkey. I know Mutombo gave him that 'you know you done f*#ked up' stare down!
-Last night I was assaulted by a steroided, mutant, flying roach in my dream. (Flashback from Atlanta and Mississippi) I don't think I'll ever be used to flying roaches! That's just nasty... Speaking of bugs, this YouTube video is HILARIOUS!
-What is Trans Fat?! Even KFC is changing it's oil to accommodate this trans fat trend. I think it's just some B.S. that junk food junkies make up so it's o.k. to eat nasty stuff.
-Do you remember Cowboy Curtis? That's back when Lawrence was known as Larry! (Back in those New Jack City days!)
-After a certain age, how do you still get amped up for Halloween? This year I'm going as a disgruntle Television/Radio Traffic Producer... Ingenious, huh?

JURY DUTY: Sports News

-Eagles & Jets lost
-Colts & Bears are still undefeated
-St. Louis lost! (See Mac, you beat my Mets and your Rams go down the tubes!) Also, St. Louis has been named the most dangerous city. I just want to know where is it safe?!?
-Giants won! I love you Tiki Barber! (I love Ronde too, but just not as much.)
-Next week: Eagles & Jets both have a BYE and Giants vs. Texans
-Personally, I'm waiting on 11/12 when the Giants play the Bears
-Have you seen the new LaBron James commercial?! It's jokes!
-What's worst on Chad Johnson... or should I say Ocho Cinco? His hair or those gold teeth? He looked like Dennis Rodman! But I was feelin his new dance... this guy is funny as hell! Missed the interview... here it goes.
-My fellow Alcorn State Alumnus were representin' yesterday! Congrats to Donald Driver, b.k.a Quickie, of the Green Bay Packers for doing his thang! And Steve "Air" McNair was like his old self & showed his ass! I know the kats on the yard are talkin'...
-If I didn't mention your team: click here.

JURY DUTY vs. MY APTARTMENT COMPLEX

Case #: 294813-TheDumbestS&#tEva

There's nothing worst to me than an uneducated person... except an uneducated persona who tries to kick knowledge. On Friday morning, I discovered mold growing under my kitchen sink. It's been leaking for who knows how long. I called the leasing office and they finally decided to send somebody out madd late- I already left to go out by that time. Whomever came to check it out left no correspondence, whick they always do. Was it fixed, were they still working on it, can I use my sink?!? I called back on Saturday and the dumb broad tells me that she can't call the repair guy unless it's an emergency. I told her I didn't need anybody to come to by, I just wanted to know what was going on since there is mold growing in my cabinet. You know what she has the audacity to say?!? "Well, there's good and bad mold... so it might not be as bad as you think."

Verdict: GUILYT of felony charges of stupidity! Throw the book at this cunt!

JURY DUTY vs. LIFE CHANGE

Case #: 519834-iCan'tLiveMyLifeThisWay

Facing Charges of: Stagnant Living, Boredom, and Wanting More

I just want a change! I'm am an overly motivated person and always looking for ways to obtain the finer things in life, which are not always of monetary value. So, I'm considering packing up my things and just leaving. That's how I wound up in Atlanta. Graduated from Alcorn, packed up my clothes, and moved to Atlanta overnight. Within 3 months I had an apartment, in 1 year went back to school, and 2 years obtained a job within my major. And Cassidy says he's a hustla?! I've recently been promoted and now work full-time... but I want more. I don't want to be one of those people who gets comfortable when I know I can do better. I want to go somewhere new! Life is too short to stay in one place- and the world is definitely too big. I have no kids. I'm not married. So, maybe I'll just take a chance!

JURY DUTY vs. MOTHERHOOD

Case #: 249481-MamaKnowsBest

Facing Charges of: Charges Pending

I'm a mother! (It's not what you think...) I have a pet turtle that has a personality of a dramatic, cunty queen! Mr. Turtle (yeah, that's his name) is just a baby turtle, about the size of a 50 cent piece. Yesterday, I went to the pet store to buy Mr. Turtle some new surroundings for his house. I bought him a pond, some bark chip bedding stuff, and a rock cave. When I put him back in he looked around and decided to get in the pond. He jumped in, panicked, and almost drowned. I thought all turtles knew how to swim?!? Well, since this is my first child I'll have to do my research. When I took him out of the water- he side-eyed me, rolled his eyes, and went inside his cave and continued to give me the "you know you done f*@ked-up" stare down. Who would've thought?!

JURY DUTY vs. JUMP-OFF LOVERS

Case #: 4928345-UknoUrWrong

Facing Charges of: Trying To Make A Ho A Housewife

I won't say any names... but you know who you are! And this isn't for everybody! Just ONE person in particular that knows he's guilty. I get a call and my homeboy is telling me that he splacked some jump-off. In his words, "she just threw the p*$$Y in my lap. So I had to take it!" Alright, do what you do. I don't hate the playa, just the game. So, I don't hear from him for a minute after that. A few days later, I texted him just to say whatsup and who has your man been kickin it with on the reg? The jump-off! Now he claims they got to know each other the same night as the splacking and that, "she's not like that." Like what?!? You might be like a brotha from another mother to me... but that IS THE DUMBEST SHIT I EVA HEARD!

Verdict: Guilty in the first degree of Trying to Make A Ho A Housewife! His new nickname is Teddy Riley. (Due to this situation- scroll down.) Article spotted @ C&D

JURY DUTY vs. THE NFL

Case #: 187451-AnyGivenSunday

Facing Charges of: Scheduling Difficulties / Poor Planning

From the time I was a child, I can remember my father having two TV's plugged up to watch football. All I cared about then was not being able to watch my Snoopy VHS. But now it's my problem. I only have one TV in my apartment, which forces me to the sportsbar. I like it because it's right across the street so I can walk & get as drunk as I want! But once I get there... 25 TV's of football... people screaming over here... over there... TOO MUCH TO STAY FOCUSED! I don't want to miss anything, but after a few Heinekens... it gets harder and harder to get my multi-task on. I think I'm going to write Jesse Jackson a letter (LOL!)

JURY DUTY: Random News

-Clay Cane did an interview with Karamo from The Real World. Check his blog... good times!
-My neighbor is driving me CRAZY! I smell an arrest warrent and a trial brewing!
-Detroit Tigers lost to St. Louis last night. Game series: St. Louis 2 / Detroit 1
-Football: Here are the league standings. This weekend: Eagles vs. Jags, Giants vs. Bucs, and Jets vs. Browns.

JURY DUTY vs. COLD WEATHER

Case #: 1974311-OldManWinter

Facing Charges of: Charges still pending

I woke up this morning freezing my a$$ off! *'Why didn 't you watch the weather report' you ask?* Because I didn't! And all my winter clothes are stuffed in some of the many boxes somewhere in my apartment. So this morning, I was forced to go to work looking like a voodoo priestess! My co-workers had jokes, of course. Winter snuck up on me and I'm ill prepared. I love the cold weather, but I wasn't prepared for it this early. Note to self: Buy a snorkel and some Tims, STAT!

JURY DUTY: Sports News

The Giants won last night against the Cowboys 36-22!! Defensive End Michael Strahan was breakin' records and my metrosexual baby daddy, Tiki Barber, had 114 rushing yards for the night. The Dallas fans were booing Drew Bledsoe and Bill Parcells was pissed! The Giants definatley came to play, and after last nights win they are now first place in the NFC East. **BALLIIIIIINN!**
-The World Series continues tonight and I still want Detroit to beat the Cardinals...this has been your Ghetto ESPN Report

JURY DUTY vs. P. DADDY DAYCARE... again

Case #: 284271-CantStopWontStop

Facing Charges of: Frontin' in the 1st Degree

P. Diddy is frontin really hard like he was never feelin J. Lo like that. If there's one thing I'm not supporting, it's a man that lies on his sh*t! This story dropped a few days ago, but it I had to collect my thoughts. Actually, I've been perserving my sexy! Is this the same P. Diddy that was in the video beggin about "I Need a Girl" and had the chick in the video that resembled J. Lo? Kim Porter probably nagged his a$$ daily about it until he finally just did it to shut her up. Whatever it is, P. Diddy is still P. Shitty in my book... and he can moisturize his 'situation' with that.

Verdict: Guilty of lying on his mans in the first degree. Case closed! Take that, take that!

JURY DUTY: Album Releases

Jim Jones- Hustler's P.O.M.E 11/7
Young Jeezy- The Inspiration 12/12
Nas Hip Hop Is Dead 11/7 or 12/19 (I keep hearing different dates)
Fabolous- Real Talk... pushed back to 12/26

-Cam'Ron supposed to be coming out with an album next month?!?
-Ghostface is supposedly dropping a new album 12/26?
-Foxy Brown might be going to jail if she fails to miss next court date
-Thanks to Henny for hookin me up with the new mixtapes & shoutout to Henny & Keisha for supporting!

Spotted @ RealTalkNY & AllHipHop.com

JURY DUTY vs. THE TERM "YANKEE"

Case #: 192381-History101

Facing Charges of: Felony Ignorance

When I lived down south, I can't count the amount of times that somebody called me a 'yankee' because I'm from up north. I don't remember being traded to a baseball team or fighting in a Confederate Battle. So from now on, anybody who refers to me a Yankee will be called a Confederate Soldier in return. Time for a little Northern hospitality! It's only right. Case closed...

JURY DUTY vs. ANITA BAKER

Case #: 492813-WTF?

Facing Charges of: Two Felony Counts of H.A.M (Hot A$$ Mess)

Last night, Anita Baker sang the national anthem for the World Series. I love Mrs. Baker. But last night... she... sounded... terrible! I was on my bed in the fetal position and I heard dogs and cyotes outside howling! (LOL!) I'm also putting her on trial for that "hair don't" that had her lookin like a mix of Johnny Bravo & the back-up dancer for MC Hammer who had the hi-top gumby fade!

Verdict: Guilty!

JURY DUTY: Sports News

-My Eagles lost this weekend (seems like these field goals are deciding ALL these games)
-Steelers vs. Falcons: Why does the Falcons kicker give me flashbacks of Ray Finkle "Laces Out" (remember Jim Carey when he played the kicker reject?)
-Congrats to Donald Driver, ASU Alumni, from the Green Bay Packers on his touchdown!!
- World Series: Last night the Detroit Tigers beat the St. Louis Cardinals. Now the series is ties 1 a piece.
-TONIGHT on Monday Night Football: New York Giants vs. Dallas Cowboys
-Tiki Barber might be retiring after this season??

JURY DUTY vs. OVERPRICED CLOTHING LINES

Case #: 591752-BAPE=PocketRAPE

Facing Charges of: Overpriced Clothing

Who do you know that can afford these clothes? I refuse to spend my rent money for a hoodie. That's out the question... and further f*#ckin more... it's just ridiculous. House of Dereon and BAPE are just absurd! Why do these artist continue to charge the consumer so much in their clothing lines?!? Thanks to clothing lines like LRG, Baby Phat, Roc-A-Wear, and Blue Marlin that the average working person can afford.

Verdict: These designers should be forced to work a day with me at the plantation and then see if they would be willing to spend that on a shirt. I'm trying to buy a house... not put my down payment on an outfit.

Spotted @ RealTalkNY

JURY DUTY: Sprots News

If you want to call it news. Last night the Mets lost. I fell asleep and it was tied... next thing you know I'm being woke-up by the phone ringin off the hook by Artey Mac Mac from The Lou talkin S*#T! We'll... there's always football. And Artey Mac Mac, you can kiss me where the sun doesn't shine! I hope the Cardinals LOSE! That Lloyd Banks pic has nothing to do with this, but I just felt like looking at him. I refuse to put a picture of the enemy on my blog! So kick rocks... (can you tell I'm still a tad salty?)

JURY DUTY: Music News

New Albums
Hi Tek- Hi-Teknology 2 Already out
Ron Artest- My World 10-31
Tupac Compolation Album- Pac's Life 11-21 (WTF?)
Lady Sovereign- Public Warning 11-31 (If your into that...)
Clipse- Hell Hath No Furry 11-28


-Lloyd Banks has his site re-launch... I love me some Lloyd Banks!
-Slick Rick might get deported... AGAIN?!? Read the article here.

JURY DUTY: Sports News

My Mets won last night!! Now the National League series is tied 3 a piece. The Mets will, hopefully, defeat the Cardinals @ Shea Stadium tonight in the final game of the championship. I have some money on this game and I know tomorrow is payday. So, in otherwords, I'm not trying to hear that you don't have my money! 5pm is the deadline for all bets to be paid...

JURY DUTY: Reality TV News

-Jeffery Sebelia (in pic to the right) won Project Runway. Here is his first interview since he was crowned The King of the Runway. I still wanted Michael to win...
-On ANTM (Top Model), Melrose won the first challenge. She had to conduct a Red Carpet interview with Janice Dickinson. The other girls did a pretty bad job. The funniest part of the show was when one of the girls was doing her Red Carpet commentary of old footage during the Judging Panel and commented on Tyras' lacefront and Ms. Jay who had on a trashbag-looking dress! The photo challenge was a celebrity couple shoot. It came down to Anchal & AJ... AJ wound up getting sent home. She was Marc Anthony and J-Lo. If you'd like to check out all of the 'celebrity couples' from last night... here's the link (just click on Model Portfolio to check them out!)

JURY DUTY vs. THINGS THAT MAKE U GO WTF?

Case #: 5817234-BabyOnBoard

Facing Charges of: Felony Stupidity and Shelfishness

I was reading this article today that made me think about something that makes no frigin' sense. You know the people that have that sign in their window "baby on board?" So, am I supposed to magically hover over you in case of an accident? That's why it's called an accident... it didn't mean to happen! Is this sign supposed to put an imaginary security force-field around the car? Maybe they should just make these 'baby on board' people special rubber cars just in case you happen to rear end them in an accident.

Verdict: This has gotta be the dumbest s*#t ever! I'm starting a ban on soccer moms who think the world revolves around them. Guilty in the first degree...10 years minimum!

JURY DUTY: More Sports News

-Tune in tonight for the Project Runway Finale tonight. I hope Michael wins!
-Americas Next Top Model also comes on tonight. Who will have to pack-up and hit the highway? I hope Melrose... she urks the s*#t out of me!
-If you missed the end of Flavor of Love, it's posed on YouTube.
-'Terror Watch List' now includes seven NFL Stadiums? WTF?
-Big sports fan? Check out this new way to go out in style and still support your team. Sometimes people need to realize that they go overboard...
-Larry Johnson, Runningback of KC Chiefs, comments on the bitch-ass tackle he had this last Sunday against Steelers Strong Safety, Troy Polamalu after an interception. He pulled his hair, girlfriend! That is just too cunty for me...

JURY DUTY vs. NEW YORK METS

Case #: 239481-PlayinWitMyEmotions

Facing Charges of: Dragging out this DAMN series!

How do you drag out a series to the point that I'm frustrated, tired, and ready to have a heart attack? Just ask the New York Mets! I caught a few innings last night before I fell asleep. They were winning when I dozed off 2-1. St. Louis just hit a homerun, but I still went to sleep with a sense of security. The Mets still wound up losing 4-2. So, you know I had to hear from all the St. Louis fans this morning. BOOOO! Now the National League Series score is 3-2. Hopefully, they tie things up tonight at Shea Stadium. Here's a re-cap if you happened to miss it, too.

JURY DUTY: Music News

Rapper Fabolous was shot early this morning by four guys in a parking garage. He is now hospitalized in stable condition after being shot in the thigh and then arrested hisself. NYPD has no sympathy for anyone. The four guys were arrested and Fab gets to spend some time in the Dirty Courtey Jail. Here is the entire article for more details.

JURY DUTY vs. MIKE TYSON

Case #: 12345-ThisChickWon'tBeAlive

Facing Charges of: Felony Craziness

Mike Tyson is going on tour and he wants to... fight women? I'm getting a Robin Givins flashback! FOX Sports reports that he wants to fight Ann Wolfe from Waco, Texas. She is 21-1 with 15 knockouts. But that's against women... not man grizzly bears! She would have a death wish to fight him... and Mike is certified crazy for letting that come out his mouth! I'm going to start a prayer circle for him, STAT! Here is the related article.

JURY DUTY: Sports News

Just in case you missed it... here's the rundown (as if you haven't already heard!) New York lost again on Flavor of Love... and now she's getting a show of her own... boooo! On Sunday, my Eagles lost to the Saints, but the Giants won against the Falcons. HaHa! I'm collecting my money, too! I want fresh crispy bills and I don't take personal checks! The Mets and Cardinals game was rained out last night so they will play tonight. Your Cardinals are going down Artis McCoy...so look forward to hearing from me tonight! I love those Barber Boys!

JURY DUTY vs. ATLANTA FALCONS FANS

Case #: 482713-BetOrNoBet

Facing Charges of: Lack of confidence in their team!

I have offically started taking bets as of 8am this morning for the Giants/Falcons game. I tried to get it jumped off yesterday, but I noticed that so-called "Atlanta Falcons Fans" have a confidence problem with their team. Yesterday, it was, "I''ll think about it..." and today it's "well, can I wait until they see if John Abraham is going to play?" So, I've had to take other measures... and so far, I have just one measley $20 bet. Hopefully, things will pick up today and I can get the ball rolling. An if your into baseball, the Mets won last night against St. Louis 2-0. Game 2 tonight.

JURY DUTY: Movie Watch

I recently saw two movie trailers that look really good. I don't go to the movies much, my homie Jedidiah can attest to that, but I have to support when it's a positive movie. The first on my list is The Last King of Scotland starring Forest Whitaker. Click here for the full movie description. It involves a storyline of the personal physician of Ugandan President Idi Amin. This movie is gonna be official! The second one is Catch a Fire. It's about South Africa during apartheid. Check here for the full rundown. Go support these positive black films. *I'm even gonna support hustleman and cop the bootleg*

Source: YahooMovies.com

JURY DUTY: Robert's Conspiracy Theories

Several times throughout the day, my co-worker Robert makes me laugh to the point that I feel I might get a verbal, and sometimes even fired! This morning, he came up with these conspiracy theories. He said that once you purchase chips & salsa, it's a vicious cycle after that because you can't ever even out the two. The same goes with hot dogs & buns... they never sell the same amount. So his idea is: when you go into the store, you should open up a whole separate package and take out two buns! Imagine explaining that to the police!! HAHA!

JURY DUTY: Sports News

Last week was victorious! My Eagles won against the Cowboys 38-24. This week will be even more interesting! (It better be!) Eagles visit New Orleans and New York travels to Atlanta for a clash of offensive squads. I'm through with the Jets after seeing them getting their ass drug to embarrassment. But, they play Miami this weekend. My picks: Eagles, Giants, and I will say a silent prayer for the Jets.

Source: NFL.com

JURY DUTY vs. CHINA

Case #: 582124-ChingChingChee...NoJayZ

Facing Charges of: Knockin the Hustle

Remember on the Dead Presidents CD when Jay said "You Can't Knock the Hustle." It looks China did just that and told Jay he can't perform there. The H.N.I.C. over there says that his lyrics are too "vulgar." Whatever...

Idea: As a strike on China, we should ban all hair weaves and nail shops! (Do I think it will happen? HELL NO! Tomorrow when I get off work, I'm going straight to the nail spot for my fill and pedi! HAHA!)

Source: YahooMusic.com

JURY DUTY vs. MAMA TINA

Case #: 459731-TiredOfTina

Facing Charges of: Felony Overexposure

I heard on 107.9 this that Tina Knowles {b.k.a Beyonce Mama b.k.a Mama Tina b.k.a. Wig Crypt C.E.O (see Crunk & Disorderly comments post for the breakdown)} has signed on to the Tyra Show to become a regular. Oh Lawd! Like we don't see enough of her already, now we have to see her and Tyra referring to everything as an epidemic. Well, I guess I won't have to complain to much longer because I can just foresee her show going down faster than a Black Panther at a Klan Konvention!

JURY DUTY: Tyra Top Model Update

Megg, the rock n' roll check in the pic to the right, got sent home. The challenge involved circus freaks... that is why she's lookin' crazy with that beard. Eugena won a previous challenge at a fashion showing and got to take home 32K in jewerly. (If that were me I'd sell all of it and pay off all these damn student loans... how wonderful it would be, to be debt free!) Now that Monique has been sent home, Melrose has taken over the bitch roll. Last night, she got caught out there talking about Anchal. Tyra showed up at the house and put all the girls on the spot. Hopefully, Melrose gets put out soon because she's starting to irk everybody.

Source: TheCW

JURY DUTY: Reality TV News

-I didn't get a chance to see the show, but Michael is still holdin it down on Project Runway. That brotha can design some clothes! I hope that other opportunities open up for him in the future because the fashion industry can defnately benefit from him and his talent.
-America's Next Top Model comes on tonight and Tyra is supposed to have the girls who got voted off so far on the Tyra Show.
-Why are they trying to drag out the ending of Flavor of Love?

JURY DUTY: Funnies

Last week, I posted a little somethin' about the Chicken Noodle Soup dance. Apparently, my homie Derrick didn't read it and got caught out there doing the dance. And his dance looking like the Chicken Noodle Soup? That s*#t was more like broth! YOUR TO DAMN OLD FOR THAT... so I'm gonna need you to sit ya ass down! This is your verbal warning! Speaking of baby daddies- (he's gonna kill me for that) here's a Maury Clip that's funny as hell!!

JURY DUTY vs. RANK VAGINA

Case #: 231291-SmellinLikeHoagies

Facing Charges of: Disturbing the peace, violating all clean air acts known to man, and NOT SMELLING that rancid smell themselves!

I had to put certain people on blast. I KNOW if I can smell the putrid fungus that resembles a year old aborted fetus growing inside your vagina... how can't you!? You stand over it everyday! And you might even read this and not even realize it's you. See that picture to the right? Well, THAT can't do a DAMN thing for you! You can't even use a douche bomb... you need a good long shower, a gynecologist appointment, and a shit load of those tree airfreshners to tie around your a$$.

JURY DUTY: Things that piss me off!

I need to vent. Me telling whomever reads this is the safest way. They just started playing that Jay-Z song, Show Me What You Got, and I'm already sick of it. I heard the song a while ago... and liked it. I'm a Jay-Z fan. But the radio station here has played it back-to-back, and I'm dead ass, about 5 times! Who does that? I remember Flex droppin a bomb on the track and bringing it back... but neva eva-eva this much!

JURY DUTY: For All the Playas

SO YOU THINK YOUR A PLAYA?

Then you need to check out PlayerAppreciate.com where they can elevate your pimp game, give you tips on being a "Love Distributor," and learn how you play an important role in society. They even have a How To section where they show the proper way to Pimp Slap! The internet is truly a dark, disgusting, and weird place...

JURY DUTY vs. THE TYRA BANKS SHOW

Case #: 523893-UnBeeWeaveAble

Facing Charges of: Boring viewers with B.S.

Yesterday on Tyra, people who had obsessions with things like make-up, shoes, and weaves was the topic of discussion. Of course Tyra had to admit that she's addicted to her lace front. Then she went on to say that she feels the most fierce and sexy when she has her hair braided in cornrows and "pulls down her baby hairs." Yeah... she said that shit. My homie Derrick and I just looked at each other and busted out laughing! WTF?! I'm highly surprised that she didn't do a make-over. And why does everything have to be an epidemic? AIDS is an epidemic! Get it together chile'...

Verdict: Tyra, I'm going to need you to get some better topics. For the past week I've lost complete interest.

JURY DUTY: Sports News

So what team are you going for in the MLB Playoffs?

Personally, I'm going for the Mets. (The pic of Derek Jeter is there for visual stimulation purposes!) I love the times of the year when sports overlap each other! It beats watching re-runs or reality TV. Also, T.O. and the Cowboys vs. the Eagles on Sunday. (I'm an Eagles fan... been down since the days of Randall Cunningham.) There is plenty going on this weekend, so I plan on hanging out at the sportsbars...

JURY DUTY vs. MORE NASTY FOLKS

Case : 294852-12Play

Facing Charges of: Lewdness and felony nastiness

My co-worker happened to be scanning through a posting for wanted ads and ran across this! WTF is this?!? And they actually want a person to come with regular hours! I'm disturbed... I'm really convinced that the world is going to combust into flames one day from all this sick activity. Speaking of sick people, did you ever see the episode of Cheaters where Joey Grecko busts in and theres construction tape everywhere, theres somebody tied to the bed, and people standing around the bed with hard hats and vests? WTF?!

Verdict: Lock these people UNDER the jail in separate cells!

JURY DUTY vs. FONZIE THE UMBRELLA MAN

Case #: 284755-DookyCh8ser

Facing Charges of: On-going investigation

Fonzie the Umbrella Man was spotted again, this time he was performing, @ Club Lotus in NYC with that damn umbrella. I thought it was bad luck to open an umbrella inside? Here are some other pics from his 'performance.' That's all i have to say about this bafoonery...

Spotted @: ConcreteLoop.com

JURY DUTY: Top Model News

DING-DONG THE BITCH IS GONE!

Monique is gone! She got voted off last night and I'm ready to have a party. I couldn't stand her dramatic ass. She thought the sun would rise and set on her... ole' lot lizzard whore! I was just waiting for the day somebody laid the smackdown on her. But now she's gone. OK... that's enough of that convo.

JURY DUTY: Music News

-I was over at AllHipHop.com and read that Raekwon (of WuTang Clan) is now signed to Aftermath. Only Built For Cuban Links II, which is in the works as we speak, will be released under the label Aftermath... but will still include appearances by the other members of the Wu. (Click the link above for the entire article.) Maybe Method Man will follow Rae after seeing how Def Jam failed to promote his album?!
-MTV2's My Block Profiles Chicago Hip Hop Artists on Monday, October 9 at 12 PM. Check out rapnews.net for more info.

JURY DUTY vs. KEY KEY (Keith)

Case #: 592782-WorkItWorkIt

Facing Charges of: Misbehaving (in his case it's a felony offense)

I'm at a loss for words! WTF? Like my co-worker Robert says, "Maybe he was walking down the street and fell down a gay hole." This guy is definitely a victim with his Bulls Jersey that doubles for a baby tee/bra and ragedy lacefront! Why he's showing off and holding onto that dunlap belly... I don't know!?! Isn't he just screaming 'in need of intervention!'

Verdict: Ambush Makeover, stat! No more lacefronts and DEFINITELY no more jerseys doubling as baby tees/bras!

Spotted @: HotGhettoMess.com

JURY DUTY: A Picture Is TRULY Worth 1000 Words

I HAD TO POST THIS PICTURE!

He had to go on trial immediately! But there are so many charges that I don't even know where to start! The fingerwaves, the large hoop earring to match his sweater ensemble, or his tight a$$ facial expression! It's just too much! Dramatic.... CUNT... OVA!

JURY DUTY: Random TV News

I took a little time off last week so here is a rundown of everything just in case you missed it.
-Carlton from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air won Celebrity Duets.
-Michael, the brother from Atlanta in that pic to the left, is still in the runnings on Project Runway.
-On Flavor of Love, New York's mom proves that she isn't going to fall for his coonery and shuns Flav off.

JURY DUTY vs. THE CHICKEN NODDLE SOUP

Case #: 659813-WTF?

Facing Charges of: Felony Corniness and drippin' with wack juice.

I'm happy that I was brought up in a different generation. I went to Atlanta this weekend and was at a birthday party and witnessed the Chcken Noodle Soup (ATL Stlye) and I was ready to turn around and go home. I decided to stay even though I didn't want to. It didn't stop with the Chicken Noodle Soup though! Some of the other stupid dances included Check My Footwork, Shoulder Lean, and of course... Walk It Out. I was too through by the end of the night. If your over the age of 20 and you are guilty of being a part of these activities... I'm gonna need for you to get your life in order!