JURY DUTY: Funny Robbery Video

THIS. SHIT. IS. FUNNY!!

Take some time out and watch ^^ this whole video! This is 'Example A' of how not to rob a liquor store. This goes down in the archives with the weatherman & The Maury Clip

Thanks to my co-worker J. Strap for the link

JURY DUTY: BACK TO NEW JERUZ

The gyrl is going back home! I've decided that I'm moving back to Jersey. Regis: "Is that your final answer?" Tittayballs: "Final answer, biotch!" I'm so OVA Atlanta and ready to get back to the tri-state. My lease isn't up until May, so I have a good 5 months to iron out all the details. I've already asked my job for a transfer and all that. I'm going to move in with my brother for a while until I can save up... should be interesting. I can't wait to leave!

JURY DUTY vs. THE LEAF BLOWERS

Case #: GoOnDamnit!

Anybody live in an apartment complex?! Well, then you might feel me on this. I'm used to sleeping through all types of noises: police/ambulance sirens, loud ass children, gun shots, and domestic violence from your neighbors, just to name a few. These men came around today with leaf blowers all times of the damn day! This is something I'm not used to. Blowing away some damn leaves... Who cares?! It seems like they come by at least twice, if not three times a week! Leave the damn leaves alone! They're not bothering anybody!!! Just when I get into a good sleep.... bwaaareeEEEHHH! Here they come...

JURY DUTY vs. CATTY BITCHES

Case #: BadPu$$y

I ran into a situation with a bunch of catty bitches. Bitches who have nothing better to do than make back-handed comments and act like everything is all gravy. I hate that 'ish. If I have something to say to someone, than I just say it. It's that simple. But when you do that then your a bitch, acting like your better, or trying to go against the grain... whateva whateva (lol!) I don't have time for that ish... so I keep it movin. Life is to short for the bullshit! What made my day was my family over at Crunk & Disorderly. Everyday it's a party over at C&D and they keep me cracking up! I love you guys & gals! *Mwah Mwah*

JURY DUTY: YouTube Funnies

I spotted this clip of Paul Mooney during a FOX News interview on A Fool's Paradise. He's talking about Kramer and how he can redeem hisself... jokes!

JURY DUTY: Random News

I'm back and still recovering...
-NYPD and the APD are corrupt!
-Mike Vick fined $20,000 for flippin the bird (I'm pretty sure that will cut into his next Valtrex purchase!)
-Snoop arrested again after leaving Jay Leno
-WHAT are some people thinking about on their myspace page?
-Got Hoes? Wanna join a Pimp Union?

JURY DUTY: Ghostface for President!

This is The World According to Pretty Toney... whateva, whateva!
This shit is jokes! I love Ghost... he's puttin down The Universal Laws for all of you's who don't know.

And remember, if you suck ya thumb yo... suck ya thumb yo! Bwahah!
Check it out...

*Here's a throwback Ghost video, just for shits & giggles.

JURY DUTY: Weekend Happenings

Lots happening this weekend:
-I'm going to New Jeru until Monday
-NFL Football: heres the schedule
-Bayou Classic in the N.O.
-My birthday on Saturday! I'm gettin old...
That's me =====>
: )

JURY DUTY: Sports News

Is it just me or did the Thanksgiving Football suck?
-My baby Tiki Barber is pissed (I don't blaim him)
-Mike Vick is pissed at Mora's father
-I'm pissed the Cowboys beat Tampa because they now lead the NFC East over the Giants

...But I was once told that's it better to be pissed off, than pissed on...

JURY DUTY: Shout Outs

Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm @ work giving thanks for this extra money that's gonna be on my check! Since today is a holiday, I'll give a shout out to all my friends:
-Lauren- b.k.a. L-Diggs
-Jedidiah- b.k.a. Seattles Finest
-Derrick- b.k.a. D. Davis

Happy Birthday to my girl Towanda Salisbury!
...And love to all the Sags...
(I need the Cowboys to lose today!)

JURY DUTY: Music News

-New Ghostface- You know I'm No Good
-Check out his interview for his upcoming album "More Fish"
-My favorite Ghostface album =====>
-I think Ghostface is handsome. I saw the Wu in concert @ the House of Blues in the N.O. and he had it goin on!
-New Nas f/ Uness- One More Day
-Papoose has a 15 minute freestyle he put down @ Hot 97

Spotted @ RealTalkNY (He also has the XXL Nas interview posted... Check it out!)

JURY DUTY: TV NEWS

My favorite person in the world is going to be on the Tyra Show on Friday! Ms. Jay with his fierce ass! I love me some Ms. Jay, hunny. He can work those heels better than any woman I've ever seen...

Now if he/she would only do something constructive with that hair...

JURY DUTY: Police Cover-up

You have to read this story. It happened yesterday in the 'A' and I'm still in disbelief! They had a press conference at noon and everything is "under investigation" and they answered only three questions! They "claim" they bought narcotics from her address yesterday. I smell police cover-up. Granny came out like Cleo in 'Set It Off.' Everybody has that friend with the thugged out ass grandma... R.I.P. Grandma Cleo.

JURY DUTY vs. PRIORITIES

Case #: 394382-GetIt2Gether

There's nothing worse than a person who trying to keep up with the Jones'. Can't afford anything off the dollar menu... but you have a Movado. Nice Dooney & Burke Bag, but why are you asking me to borrow money to buy some tampons. So your living in an apartment and you drive a Jag? Your not paying child support, but you have the illiest phone, chain, and clothes? You have a hot ass car, but you don't have any furniture in your apartment? That s**t isn't cute! Why did my homegirl buy a whole new outfit from Macy's for $250 to go to the club! When we got to the door she had to borrow money for the cover charge!?! WTF is that about?!

JURY DUTY: Music News

-Cam'Ron: diss song about Jay called "Must Not Know About Me"
-Dip Set must live in the studio!
-Nas: Hip-Hop Eulogy Part One & Two
-New Nas, "Where Are They Now?"
-I'm dissapointed in that Jay album...

JURY DUTY: Sports News

Salty. You already know it.
Giants lost to the Jags 10-26 last night.
The Good: Ronde was commentating last night *Mwah Mwah*
The Bad: Eli is bum juice, we're tied with Dallas now in our conference (6-4), and everybody's hurt. The refs stay helping us lose! First half, they called back the catch Burgess didn't have control of. Yeah... because he DIDN'T have control. Why did the same exact senerio happen in the 4th quarter with 5 minutes left and they game J'ville the 1st down!?! WTF is goin on here?!
The Ugly: Ronde bounces and Jay-Z, b.k.a. Joe Camel, comes into the booth. Why?! The one comemtator on the right was madd geeked.

JURY DUTY vs. MY WORST MONTH EVER

Case #: 298204-WhyMeeeeeeee?!?

It actually started over a week ago when my Giants lost to Chi, my whole last week sucked, and my weekend was even worse. Last night just confirmed it. Saturday is my birthday... and I wake up this morning and I have my menstral which throws everything off! My s**t usually is on some Bone Thugs & Harmony ish... why does it want to be early this month?! To top it off my Giants lose again, these cramps are killing me, and I can't even get any!

JURY DUTY: Music News

-I got the new Jay "Kingdom Come" joint today from my co-worker (b.k.a. The Disgruntal Negro) and it's alright. I heard some hot tracks and I heard some half-a$$ ones, too. What do you think? Have you heard it? I know I'm not the only one who copped the bootleg...
-Heard about The Game and the stunt he pulled? What the hell was he thinking?!?
-Is Snoop wearing a Kofi? I know Jim Jones isn't feeling that! Goonie Goo-Goos! Off with ya Kofi, Snoop! Dip-Set, Byrd Gang! We'll do it to ya duke!
-Speaking of Jim Jones, he has a diss track "We Fly High (Beef Mix)" answering Jay's "Brooklyn High" joint. Read the article & check the track here.
-Now J.R. Writer has a Jay-Z diss track out called "I Got 'Em."

JURY DUTY vs. STUPID MEN

Case #: 9273472-KeepItMovin

Don't send me hate mail, first off! If you get offended- then this must be about you... but I don't wanna hear about it! Why do men play so many games? Live by double standards? Think everything has to be THEIR way? Think that they can't do SHIT wrong. I'm sick and f**kin tired of it! Have you ever been having a decent day, and another mofo comes through and just f**cks your day up?! I can't be stressed out over bulls**t and expect to always be cheering this mofo up. His attitude: f**c my day and my feelings... it's ALL about him... with his spoiled ass. If I'm having a bad day do I have anybody trying to cheer me up?! No! So get the f**k outta my bubble before you pop it! I tried to not let it bother me, but I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Now it's time for me to just let the s**t go. Fade to black mofo... fade to black

JURY DUTY: Sports News

What a weekend! I split even on bets, until tonights game when the Giants beat the Jags. (Giants BETTER beat the Jags!) Ballllliiin! Tiki... I STILL love you!
-Just in case you missed out... heres all of the scores.
-That Steelers / Browns game was official! It went right down to the last second!
-McNabb is out for the year with a torn right ACL
-Dallas gives Colts their first 'L' of the year
-This weeks schedule
-League Conference Standings
-ATLANTA FALCONS ARE GARBAGE, SON! SORRY ASS MOFO's BWAHAHA!

*NBA Conference Standings

JURY DUTY: YouTube MUST SEE!

R-ah, b.k.a. That's Not My Baby, put me on to this! Just the title alone is a classic, Candy Pants! Just listen to this lyrics... it takes an ex-pimp to come up with 'ish like this! He calls hisself The Minister of Soberiety... and I have a good suspicion that might be Remy Ma in the background!! Bwahaha!

JURY DUTY: Random News

-Webber is pissed off, son!
-Iverson paying for a fans funeral costs
-Kobe doesn't recall whoopin that trick
-Why are people beating the sh*t out of each other for PS3's? Is it really that serious?!
-Why... in this day in age... do females still give out the wrong number? Tell him your not interested and keep it movin, ma! Everybody has cell phones... He will try to call you right on the spot and act like he's exchanging numbers!

JURY DUTY vs. RESTROOM ETIQUETTE

Case #: 932933-NastyA$$

Have you ever gone into the bathroom and when you open up the stall... it looks like somebodies a$$ exploded?! What can you possibly eat that makes your a$$ explode?!? I mean it literally looks like a shit explosion! This has to be the nastiest s**t EVER! Why didn't your mother teach you how to clean up after your nasty a$$? My co-workers and I have this discussion at least once a week and it has to be resolved! If your one of these people, you need to wait until you get home and do that nasty s**t within the privacy of you own home.

JURY DUTY vs. Music News

-Jay has a diss song about gettin at Dame and Jim Jones called "Brooklyn High"
-While your there, check out the Nas song "Black Republican" featuring Jay
-Jim Jones speaks on the Jay-Z beef & diss song
-I heard that new Game & Fat Joe was pretty wack...

Spotted @ Allhiphop.com

JURY DUTY: YouTube Clips & Videos

I'm still addicted... I've seeked help, but there are no YouTube Recovery Programs!

-My favorite DMX song of all time... before he lost his damn mind!
-My Kings of Comedy favorite clip! Milk n' Cookies... nuff said!
-Check out the guy at :58 seconds... WTF? haha!
-Wanna see a robbery, a fight, and a drunk monkey? Bwahaha! Only on YouTube!

JURY DUTY: TV News

-Emmit Smith wins Dancing with the Stars... I'm glad he beat ole Fruit Loop Lopez!

-NBA scores and tonights schedule
-Why haven't they had my Dateline show, 'To Catch a Preditor' on for the past few weeks?

JURY DUTY vs. THE BLUETOOTH

Case #: StarTrekLookinAss

Ever been somewhere and you see people that look like their talking to themselves? I was in Wal-Mart and this woman is standing near me and says, "What do you thing your doing?" I grilled the hell outta her and was like, "Who the hell are you talking to?" And she smiles and whispers, "I'm on the phone" while showing me her other ear with her Star Trek Bluetooth. See... that situation almost ended up a whole different way! And speaking of Star Trek... am I the only person who HATED that show growing up? As soon as I saw that spaceship flying I turned the channel with the quickness!

JURY DUTY: Random News

-Naomi Campbell needs to get a tat on her stomach that says 'Thug Life' cause she stays getting into trouble.
-Was it just me, or were you feeling Jim Jones' mixtape '7 Day Theory' way more than 'Hustlas P.O.M.E?'
-Kobi is throwin bows at b**ches?
-Jay CD leaked out already... I'm getting it either today or tomorrow
-Look at Star Jones!? WTF?
-Why is Cee-Lo's head so damn big? He looks like a steroided midget! But I love his music...

JURY DUTY vs. THE POE-LEASE

Case #: HopFencesJumpOverBenches!

Why did I stop at the store this morning to get gas & gum and the poe-leaseman was in there giving me the side-eye the whole time. His big ole' bralick a$$ looked like that kat from the Green Mile, staring at me like I stole something. It got to the point where I just had to ask him, "Am I one of Americas Most Wanted or something? Cause your watching me kinda hard." And his response, "Maybe... Is there something I need to know?" Then he gave me the 'tryin to be sexy' stare-down along with the GQ pose. Is this what my tax dollars are going towards? Poe-leasemen that sit in the gas stations and try to pick up women? (But you know I couldn't say anything smart, right? He might pull me over one day and I can get out of that ticket with the quickness!)

JURY DUTY vs. STUPID QUESTIONS

Case #: STFUpleez

Picture this: I'm in a room full of 'people who have nothing in common with me' and something might come on TV or the radio that they don't know. Then they feel the need to ask me, the only minority in the group, "Do you know who that is? I've never hear about him/her." Ughh! Do I ask you about all the Hollywood, Rock n'Roll, and worthless people within your community? No! So, why do you think I'm about to school you about the entire black culture? Do I look like the Diplomat to the Black Community or some s**t!? Google that s**t if you wanna know so damn bad! ...and kick rocks while your at it... does Jerzeygyrl have to slap a bitch?!

JURY DUTY: Sports News

-Keeping up with the NBA? Got scores? Got schedules?
-Michigan/Ohio State Game. Who you goin for?
-NFL week 11 schedule
-Conference standings

I'm cutting off the bet deadline on Saturday night @ 10pm. All bets for MNF (Giants/Jags) will be cut off @ 4pm on Monday.

JURY DUTY vs. ADVERTISING

Case #: EyeWannaTalkToSampson

Bwahahah! My c-worker R-ah, b.k.a. That's Not My Baby, found this advertisement /site for Chronic Candy! Jokes... turn up the volume and get ya laugh on! But check out Bishop/Pimp/Apple Jolly Rancher lookin a$$ Don Juan! Advertising has hit an all time high. They have a better sight then some major big name businesses. You can win a trip to Amsterdam, too! But remember... it's not just a candy, Its a lifestyle... is it really that serious?!

JURY DUTY: Shout Out

BIG UP to my cyber homegyrl CreativeTDF, b.k.a. Blk Grl b.k.a. Get That Paper! (lol!)
She's an aspiring photographer hailin from Harlem. Check out her blog, Without Struggle, Theres No Progress to see the pics, the breakdown, and to check what's new. That's her logo on the right... official, right! It's good to see people reaching to obtain their goals. I wish her much success!

JURY DUTY vs. CHRISTMAS

Case #: ItsTooDamnEarly

Why are their Christmas commercials on already?! Why does it seem like every year they start coming on earlier and earlier? Pretty soon, we'll see them in July. Then they'll just keep them on all year round. This starts comotion among children who get all worked up thinking their getting everything on their list. Progress reports haven't even come out yet! That's how what I was getting for Christmas was dertermined when I was a kid. Personally, I tell everybody I'm Muslim during the holidays so they leave me alone. I join after Rahamadan and un-join again on the 26th of each year. This is my 5th year anniversary. We don't celebrate Christmas in the Muslim religion... so don't even aks what I'm getting you!

JURY DUTY vs. ALCOHOLICS & ADDICTS

Case #: 289342-99BottlesOfBeerOnTheWall

I don't know how the hell somebody can be an alcoholic or any kind of addict for that matter! I woke up this morning feeling like shitty-boo-boo and dragged my butt into work looking like a crackhead. I'm still feeling the same and it's about 10 hours later! How could you do that to yourself and function the next day? This just isn't for alkies... but baseheads, too! Get yourself together... got an itch? Don't go for a fix... get some real friends who will give that ass some intervention and 12 steps!
-Speaking of getting drunk... heres a fun game to play!

JURY DUTY vs. TV TALKERS

Case #: 929238-uTalk2Much...AndYouNevaShutUp

Anybody who knows me knows I can talk! But what I hate the most is when I'm trying to watch a TV show or a movie and somebody wants to tell me something so bad. Can't that s**t wait!? No... then write it down and tell me later! Or, right when the good part comes on they want to get into some long ass drawn out story. STFU! Don't call me during football! As a matter of fact, just don't call me on Sunday at all unless it's about money, making a bet, or when you plan on paying me!

JURY DUTY vs. "THEY"

Case #: WhoToldYouThat

You know what kills me? When people say "they" when referring to some unknown group of people. Who the hell are they, where do they live, and what do they do? Somebody please let me know... and what makes they some type of judgemental figure that can decide what's good and bad for me?!

JURY DUTY: Sports News

I'm so pissed off the Giants lost last night... I don't even want to talk about it!
-Here's the scores from yesterdays games.
-If you care, here's the NBA scores from last night, too. Here's the schedule for tonights games.
-Think your fast at texting? Try to beat this kid... I wonder if he adds smiley faces? Bi**ches love smiley faces!

JURY DUTY vs. ENGLISH 101

Case #: 029831-VerbNounAdjectiveAdverb

My co-worker R-ah, b.k.a. That's Not My Baby, and I had another in-depth conversation at work. Today, we discussed words that can be used several times in one sentence. For example: effect/affect. You can say the effect of the infected sore made him ineffective to receive affection. Another one: head. Superhead gave head to get ahead and caught a headache, Bobby Brown. Now that's deep stuff...
LOL! We don't have any sense!

JURY DUTY: Caribbean Flava

For all my Island Kats out there, I found some classics on YouTube! I needed this after such a long week. When 8 o'clock comes I'll be ready to mash up di place! Beenie... Lady Saw... Buju Banton... Vybz Kartel... Supercat... Chaka Demus & The Pliers... and all da fyah tings, myute!

...If I could only find some good jerk chicken, ox tails, rotti, and cocoa bread here in the 'A'...

JURY DUTY: Random News

HAPPY FRIDAY!
-It's some holiday that I don't celebrate- but court is closed anyway.
-Two days until the Giants/Bears game. Plax is talkin shit!
-Lebron is tired of the bull... Do I smell a T.O. situation in the near future?
-Charges have been dropped against Lloyd Banks & Young Buck (Lloyd Banks looks so damn good to me!)
-With all the 'ish going on here on Earth... who the f**k cares about a hurricane on Saturn?!
-Check out the blog Thursday Night Feaver by my cyber homie, CoCo LaRue. He had me crackin up at work this morning!

JURY DUTY: B.E.T. CLASSICS

I'm addicted! I can't stop browsing through YouTube like I'm going to find a hidden treasure. Robert, b.k.a. R-ah b.k.a. That's Not My Baby, ... this ones for you! Remember this from Midnight Love?! He and I were just talking about this commercial at work today. Throwback classic...

JURY DUTY vs. MIXING WORDS

Case #: 4349702-StopTheMadness

Why do people blend words together? Like the way they do names like Bennifer and the rest of the Hollywood crew. What about Chiyra for Chingy and Tyra... Bobhead for Bobby and Supahead! HAHA! (She does do a lot of head bobbing!) But the dumbest invention has to be a spork, the mix of a spoon and a fork. I should've put KFC on trial for actually promiting this B.S. but they got lucky. You can't pick up anything with the little fork part, and the spoon part sucks because you get about half a tablespoon. Save it for the kids... grown people shouldn't be eating with sporks! But my favorite commercial, does have word mixing. The Taco Bell, crunchyweezie. Gotta love it!

JURY DUTY vs. THINGS THAT MAKE U GO HUMMM

-Today my co-worker R-ah, bka That's Not My Baby, had an in-depth conversation about how we can change the world and realized that we'd wind-up driving ourselves f**ckin crazy!
-He put me on to some funny 'ish about ladybugs. He said that it's hard for a male ladybug in this world because he's born into feminity and that he can't kick it with the other bugs because they laugh at them. I never thought of that shit! I was cracing up! So... are all male ladybugs bi-sexual?
-In the era where everybody has cell phones, that all have caller ID, why do people look at their phone when it rings to see who's calling & answer the phone like they don't know who the hell it is! Why?!

JURY DUTY vs. YouTube... again!

Today I was back on YouTube and I ran into some more funnies.

I think I'm addicted! Here's a classic... They are some fewls! Oh my lawd! I have to get the box set on DVD! Bwahahah! The 'debil' has gotten to me...

JURY DUTY: Top Model Recap

On last nights show, Melrose won the initial challenge. I still don't like that girl. She seems real fake to me. During the photo challenge, they had to get into a parachute simulation device and get their pose on. During the judging panel, Ms. Jay had some hairdo like he/she took it back to the Bonner Brothers Covention shoot! H.A.M. all day! Anchal got sent home, which I think is some bull. Are they dertermined to pick the ugliest chick, or what? At least Jaeda, pic on left, is still in the running...

JURY DUTY: Random News

-WTF is going on with the Giants? Toomer is out for the year! Sunday is just looking worse and worse everyday...
-I missed the Tyra Show Wednesday due to Bush and his stupid press conference about Rumsfeld stepping down. It was the one where she was on some Carl Thomas emotional 'ish. Put in your notice and keep it moving Rumsfeld...
-Michael Jackson plans on performing 'Thriller' at the World Music Awards next week.
-Carmen Bryan (the mother of Nas' child) has a book out called 'It's No Secret'. Check out a preview. Juicy stuff!
-T.O. the Drama Queen speaks... again & why are ATLiens happy because the Hawks are in first place in the Southeast standings... I mean, really! WTF? The season just started! They're like the Bad News Bears of basketball!

JURY DUTY vs. THE PEOPLE OF YouTube

Case #: 8417243-UknoUdoneF'edUp, Right

I'm convinced that YouTube, Myspace, and the internet as a whole is the Debil! (Yes, the Debil!) Not a day goes by that I don't browse through YouTube and find people making complete asses of themselves! Like this guy. WTF? Peep the hand gestures! To this day, this is by far my favorite, this is my 2nd favorite, and anything that deals with with femme vogue dancing falls in third. Other crazy things I've run up on have me at work laughing until I almost catch the verbal. Old clips, new clips, and overall good times, people... good times! Right at the wall for me!

JURY DUTY: Announcements

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEDIDIAH
Today, one of my best-est friends turns 27 years-old! He and I went to college together. Isn't he sexy ladies?! And he's single, well educated, has a good job, and no children! On top of that, he's a really nice guy with morals, values, and teeth like Tiki Barber. Check out his myspace page and hit him up! (He's gonna kill me for this!) I hope you enjoy your day... Love ya!

JURY DUTY: Announcements

I have to apologize to one of my other best-est friends... Skip, b.k.a. Mr. Chandler b.k.a. EJ. I put him on trial a few months back for excessive e-mail forwarding. He's still pissed at me and accused me of being a stoolie! (For those who don't know- a stoolie is a person who snitches. Example: 50 Cent) So, I told him I would make a public apology. Good friends are hard to come by. So Skip- I'm sorry & you know I love you! Your a good friend and your always there for me : )
And for everybody else who's been on trial, don't hit me up thinking I'm going to apologize to you, too! Just letting you know... that s**t won't happen!

JURY DUTY vs. PEOPLE

Case #: 481723-ThisMightBeAboutYou

I hate fake people. People who tell you one thing, but they live life an entirely different way. Especially men who talk all this 'I want a woman who's independent, intelligent, and has herself together'... but you spot them with some chickenhead who has 2 and 3 baby daddies with madd drama. How about the people who work at Wal-Mart and act like they work for The Secret Service... you take their job way too seriously! Or those to lazy to put their shopping cart away and then they push it into my car and now I have a dent because of their laziness. What about the people who whistle all the time? That s**t is annoying! And mofo's who make corny jokes and laugh like it was the funniest s**t they ever heard. These usually are the same mofo's that invade your bubble, or personal space. There is nothing like a person with hot a$$ breath and smelling like cigarettes jumping all in your bubble and almost popping that s**t! And what about people who like to debate... not about anything in particular- but everything! That is the most annoying shit EVER. Do I sound mad, angry, or bitter? F**kin right, I do! Now I'm going to take a deep breath and act like nothing ever happened...

JURY DUTY vs. WAL-MART

Case #: 581275-Uncalled4

Facing Charges of: Selling Edited B.S.

I went everywhere looking for Requiem For a Dream. (Good movie!) Best Buy... out! Circuit City... out! Target... out! Some fool recommended that I should "go to Wal-Mart because they would definitely have it." They actually had it. I get home all ready to watch the movie and they're saying shoot, jackrabbit, and darnit! WTF?! It's the edited version! and it's not like it was written in red on the front! I was livid because you know they're not going to let me return a DVD! If you don't like the original version then just don't get the movie at all! Why do all the people think that their precious children don't hear curse words? The kids cuss better than the parents! ...back to the drawing board...

JURY DUTY: Random News

-Bad news: Strahan out next game vs. Chicago! This isn't good. And Brian Urlacher says he's planning on playing. See- now they're playing with my money...
-Make sure you vote today! Don't know where to go? Click here
-I have a problem with people invading my personal space & being too damn happy in the morning...
-I have an arrest warrent out for a male, 29-32 years of age, goes by the alias Deez Nutz, and may be armed and dangerous! I you see him please call me, STAT, so I can get my belt! He's due for a serving of that 'you know you done f*$#ed up' and 'your never to old to catch a beatin"!

JURY DUTY vs. MY NEIGHBOR

Case #: LeaveMeAlone

Facing Charges of: Annoying the $h*t out of me, Harrassment, and Excessive Flirting

My neighbor must think the lives in my apartment because he stays knocking my door down. On top of that, he calls me non-stop. He's an elderly & lonely man, but that doesn't mean he can bother me to death because I have my youth! I told him I take a nap between my shifts at work... but does he listen? I told him to call me instead of knocking at my door all hours of the morning and night... did he listen? And the worst part is that he's steadily flirting with me and calling me the wrong name. My name is not Tina! Definately a felony offender...

JURY DUTY vs. SALLIE MAE

Case #: 1293481-GiveMeMyMoney

Facing Charges of: Impersonating Friends, Harrassment, and Having Mafia Ties

My co-worker and I are convinced that Sallie Mae (Student Loan lender) has Mafia ties. They always know where you are! I wish I never went to Grad School or The Art Institute of Atlanta everytime I see their # on the caller ID! The chick blocked the numbr one time and said 'what's up' like she's one of my homegirls! I had a 2-3 minute convo with her before she hit me with the Sallie Mae Intro. I faxed them the information from my last payment since they claim they never got it and the chick called me like she had a hit out on my ass! I know I always pay on time because I'm not trying to wind up in the trunk of a car!

Verdict: I'll wait until I finish paying because I don't want any problems with Tony and The Boys...

JURY DUTY: Sports News

NFL RECAP
-Giants beat Texans 10-14 (Giants are now 6-2) Strahan sprained his ankle- but I have a feeling he'll be back next game. Tiki Barber had 118 yards & Shockey came through.
-CHICAGO LOST TO MIAMI 31-13!! This is a BIG upset! I'm raising ALL BETS for next weekend! -Falcons lost to Detroit 14-30, Cowboys lost to Redskins 19-22, Tampa lost to N.O. 14-31, Patriots choked against the Colts 20-27, Bengels lost to Ravens 20-26 ===>>> Get Ocho Cinco the ball! And St. Louis lost KC 17-31... Artey Mac Mac from the Lou? What's up with your team? Haha! And here's next weeks schedule
-Why does Michael Strahan look just like Mike Tyson when he was younger?!
-Warrick Dunn needs to moisturize his situation!
-Didn't mention your team? Click here.
-Next week: Eagles vs. Redskins & G-UNIT VS. CHI-TOWN!
NBA RECAP
Here are the scores for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. And here is the schedule for tonight
-Shout out to my sportsbar buddies from up north! I'm still recovering...

JURY DUTY: Random News

-Tonights NBA games: Jersey vs. Miami, and Detroit vs. Boston, Philly vs. Orlando (shout out to D. Block bka Ohio-Y.O. bka Captain Crunch!)
-Last nights NBA scores
-I hate sequels to perfectly good movies. Why are they making a Top Shottas II?
-Any Joe Pesci movie is funny. My favorite role he played was in Casino. He's funny as shit! (Exactly how funny is shit?)
-I want to hang out with Regis Philban. I met him one time when me and S.B. were in NY and he seems real cool.
-Have you EVER seen Captain Crunch that your pour pop rocks into? What the hell is that? Just say no!

JURY DUTY: Random News

I love my Aunt Barbara. She is the funniest & realest person I know. She will tell you anything to your face... and I love her for that. She's old school and always says "God bless your heart" after everything. Me: "You know I had to go off on her, right?" Aunt Barbara: "You gotta do what you gotta do. God bless your heart." And she always refers to me as one of my brothers names before she says mine. But I'm bad with names, too. She's most infamous for her remixes of the "you know what they say" sayings. Last time I talked to her she told me, "you know what they say, you can put your clothes in the washer, but they can't dry by themselves." WTF? But that's what makes her so special. : )

JURY DUTY vs. MY CO-WORKERS

Case #: 928725-Ackin.A.fool-Criticality 1

Facing Charges of: Having me cracking up too damn early in the morning!

The morning crew at my job is filled with some characters! There's one guy, who has informed me that I can't use his name because he has warrants! So we call him Joe Torey, b.k.a. Chicago from Poetic Justice, with his pretty ass, I stay re-in up on Sportin Waves... but he's steadily clownin everybody. Then the Conspiracy Theory Professor, b.k.a. That's Not My Baby, is just funny as hell! He just comes out of his mouth with the craziest s**t! Me and my homegirl from B-more just sit here and get entertained. We have everything going on in here from: arguments about who's not working and who eats all the snacks, clown sessions, and how Oprah sends out signals only women can hear and how they think it makes men gay if you watch it to long... just to name a few. There's this one guy we work with that always has madd shit in his coat pockets. He usually works in the afternoons. (He was just put on trial the other day. He's Farnsworth Bentley b.k.a. Fonzie the Umbrella Man.) The other day he had two cheeseburgers, oatmeal, and some warm ass Reeces Pieces. Yesterday, he pulled out a big ass Arizona Iced Tea (you know those big cans?!) and other various items.

Verdict: Since I'm having a good day- I'll let them go. They actually make my day! : )

JURY DUTY: Random News

When you have to get up at the ass crack of the morning and be extra alert... there's nothing that comes through like the neighborhood dope dealer! Nah, ya girl DC is drug free... My addiction is caffeine. I've gotten to the point that if I don't have coffee I get headaches. I decided, after a self-intervention realization, that I was hooked to the smack! So, I decided to wean myself off of it slowly. Instead of getting a large I was going to get a medium. Since I go there so much, the guy just started giving me the large for the medium price. (Just like a damn dope dealer!) What basehead do you know that's going to turn that deal down?! And it's gotten so bad that he's even started giving me every other day free on some BoGo shit! Caffeine is a hell of a drug...
-Jersey won vs. Toronto 102-92 & Detroit lost vs. Bucks 105-97
-WTF was up with that Knicks Game?
-Didn't mention your team? Here's all the scores

JURY DUTY vs. THE EX

Case #: 591829-2theLeft2TheLeft

Facing Charges of: Stalking & Annoying the s*#t out of me!

While I was dead in my sleep last night, I recieved a phone call from a private number. I'm thinking one of my brothers or my mom is hurt, somebody died, or a foolywag got locked-up. It's some guy on the phone telling me that somebody has something important they want to tell me. Is it the mafia? I got shook. Then this voice on the other end was asking me how I was doing... and it sounded very familiar. Oh no! I had to give him that quick, "ni**a please?!" What don't some people understand about leave me alone? Once I say I'm through, there's no turning back. *In my Beyonce voice* "You must not know 'bout me?"

Verdict: Guilty! And if his ass gets gully and thinks he's going to keep calling, he's really going to catch a charge! Holla at your sensay!

JURY DUTY: Sports News

Last night was the season opener for the NBA:
Miami loses to Chicago 66-108
Lakers beat the Suns 114-106

My Team: New Jersey Nets
My Favorite Player: Rasheed Wallace
Tonight Nets vs. Raptors and Pistons vs. Bucks
Here's a look at the schedlue to see who your team plays.