HAPPY 2007 EVERYBODY

Be safe and don't do anything I wouldn't do, which doesn't leave much. But you know what I mean! I don't want to come back after the New Year and read ere'bodys blog and have to read these stories about how you pulled a DMX or some shit! LOL! I'm supposedly going out with my Haitian-persuasion, a new jump-off, so I know I'll have a good time. We went out last weekend to the reggae club and I had a lot of fun. I have to tell you that my homegirl, L-Diggs, is a damn fewl! She told me I better check Haitian-persuasians pockets to make sure that he doesn't have a chicken foot and some brick dust in his pockets!

Remember to rap-it-up, B! And if your man isn't using the gold package, your missing out on life.

JURY DUTY vs. DENIAL

Also known as the first step of the recovery process; there are a lot of people stuck in the pit of denial. I tend to speak my mind a lot and have been ridiculed for doing so. But do you think I'm going to stop just because someone else is in denial? Nope... Tittayballs is gonna do her. Some people wouldn't know the truth if it came up and bit their ass cheek off. Then when you speak your mind, your a 'hater.' That phrase is so played like hi-top box fades and gumby cuts. Hate deez nuts, bitches.

Speaking of Prince, I can't wait until the Superbowl because he's performing at halftime. He also has a magazine coming out called 31/21.

HAPPY 'WHATEVER YOU CELEBRATE'

-Happy 'Whatever You Celebrate' to all the lurkers. Please read the 'Holiday Drinking Warning' below... don't become a statistic!
-I had a dream last night about Dance 360. [My ex-boyfriends 5 year-old son and I used to move the couch in the living room when he got home from school and go 'head ta head, head ta head!'' I woke-up crackin-up! [Tittayballs loves the kids! 'Tag ya man, tag ya man!' LOL!]

***Gives all lurkers a West Coast Production (New Brian Plumper Rappin' Exclusive) & King of New York DVD's***

-Clay Cane, I love his blog, did an interview with Andre 3000
-Come Check out Two Kitties On A Hot Tin Roof

HOLIDAY DRINKING WARNING

Why is there always that one person who gets extra bent at every party or event? WATCH THIS VIDEO. (Another event sponsored by HEAVENLY H.A.M.) My favorite part is when she passes out, jumps up, busted her ass hopping over that couch, and starts wylin out all over again! I just ask that all of you not wind-up like the chick in the video or this chick during your holiday celebration. Best believe, your ass could be the next person with your pics all over the internet. Or even worse... a YouTube victim!

JURY DUTY: Venting Rant

Have you ever had a day where everything is just NOT going your way? I'm tired as hell, mafukkas are pissin me off, and I'm about ready to black-the-f**k-out on somebody! And to top it all off, mafukkas wanna come to me with their problems... like I don't have enough of my own! Do I look like Dr. Phil? I just wanna take a tittayball and shove it in this mafukkas mouth to shut him the f**k up! AND... FURTHER-F**KIN-MORE, I don't give a F**K about what you did, who you hung out with, or what the f**k you saw where you used to live!

I QUIT DIS BITCH!!!

JURY DUTY: Sports News

*Looks like we're going to be seeing Tiki Barber more often. (Tasha, heads up) I've been seeing him on FOX News lately in the mornings. What a great way to start my day! He and Ronde have bright careers in commentating / broadcasting after they retire. (CoCo LaRue, what's up with the hook-up!?! LOL!)

*Last Night, the Colts beat the Bengels.

*I just wish somebody would take Brian Gumbels spot on Saturday Night Football, because the was the worst commentating, EVER! Between him and the rhaspy-ass voiced white guy, I don't know who was worse. Stick to Real Sports, Mr. Gumbel.

JURY DUTY vs. DEF JAM

Is it just me, or does Def Jam just not promote or advertise their artists? Nas... no promotion. Ghostface... no promotion. Redman... no promotion. Method Man... no promotion. And I know there are others, but I wouldn't know because there was no friggin promotion!! But I see Joe Camel, b.k.a. Jay, everywhere! He's in every commercial, even made an appearance on Monday Night Football a while ago, and the other day I went to get a tampon... and guess who was on the box throwin up the Roc?!? Haha! Nah, But this shit needs to be stopped! There are good artists that are getting over-looked because of this shit. L.L said it best: Jay does a good job promoting... hisself.

*Jadakiss signed with Cash Money... I would've never guessed that one...
When are the LOX coming back out with another album?

JURY DUTY: Must-See Movie

Last night, I went to go see In Pursuit of Happyness. I loved it! I'm not too big on going to the movies, either. Why spend $10+ to go to the movies when I can cop it from the bootleg man for $5 and watch it again if I like it? I had to go see this movie, and best believe, it came right on time. It seems like now during the holidays, everybody submerges themselves in greed and materialism. ***This is the main reason I tell people I'm Muslim. Haha!*** People have forgotten the true meaning of the holidays. I can relate to this movie because I've been homeless myself. This movie is also proof that you never know what is going on in another individuals' life. Will Smiths son is so adorable. He has a bright acting future ahead.

JURY DUTY vs. ELI MANING

Have you ever seen one man single-handedly ruin shit for everybody? There is no 'I' in team, and there certainly isn't an 'I' in looser, either! The game Sunday was going great. My metrosexual baby daddy, Tiki, was doin his thing and it was like a fight down to the game. A good game overall... until Eli screwed it up for the team! He needs to learn how to take a sac instead of trying to throw the ball all the time like he did in the last three minutes, got it intercepted, and the Eagles ran it back for the score. ====> Look at him looking all pathetic! He's the the Ray Finckle of quarterbacks. Except instead of the 'laces out' he's saying 'take the sac!'

JURY DUTY vs. MY FOUL MOUTH

I have to put myself on trial, on a Saturday of all days, for what I did last night. I was supposed to go out on a date and wound-up cussin this guy out because he was trying to play games. To make a long story short, he kept trying to post-pone the date for later & later. Basically, making it so that he could make an excuse to come over to my place. Well, after he got his ass cussed out, Rosie Perez-style, and caught that denial of entry, he left me three or four messages apologizing and trying to see if we could re-schedule. Nope! I keeps it movin, boo. But the funniest shit was how he sounded like he was real cunty and emotional in the last message! LMAO! I know it's not right the way I cussed him out... so putting myself on trial... kinda like a karma cleanser. What's up with that trying to hit on the first date thing, anyway? Even if I'm feeling you like that, don't expect to gain entry that fast... *SMH*

JURY DUTY: Announcements

My homegirl L-Diggs and I decided to start a blog.
Just the title alone is funny as hell:
Two Kitties On A Hot Tin Roof
LMAO! Women are going to love this site because me and L-Diggs plan to discuss the world through a woman's perspective. I can't wait until we really get it jumpin off because I know women are going to read this and be able to relate, crack up, and even offer us some of their in site. Men... your welcome to come visit and feel free to comment, too. We would love to give you our perspective on any issue. But just be aware that this is woman-to-woman type convo- so be prepared to get an ear-full! But know your always welcome...

Jury Duty will still be going strong, so I'll see ya when court opens back-up on Monday!

JURY DUTY vs. MY CO-WORKERS

I work with the silliest mofo's in the world!
-This one guy, who is Carlton-ish [b.k.a. Funk Master Flex because he drops the bombs (silent-but-deadly farts)] stays makin-up raps about random shit.
-Then there's Chicago [The Wangasta of Love b.k.a. Penis #2] who is infatuated with strip clubs and thinks he's a pimp in the making.
-Then there's R-aah [b.k.a. That's Not My Baby b.k.a. Penis #1] is a pimp in the making and also the ring leader.

...And if R-aah don't get right, I gonna have him and The Wanksta of Love out on the cornah gettin my scratch with ice cubes in their hands! And they better not let them melt...or it's gonna be that ass!

Congradulations to Shauna, another on of my co-workers, on the birth of her daughter and first child Z'riyah! Isn't she adorable!? Now THAT's a beautiful baby ======>

JURY DUTY vs. RANDOM SHIT

*Why do people try to find someone or break-up right before Christmas?
*I hate when people refer to themselves in third person! That drives me crazy. You are not an extra person or a separate entity...
*Why do the mofo's at the drive-thru give you two packs of ketchup then get an attitude when you ask for more?!? They act like that shit is coming out of their check!
*Do you have a cousin, that if that wasn't your cousin... you'd get at 'em? My cousin looks like him... minus the zest & murse. (Maybe I've just been 'down souff' to long!)

JURY DUTY: Random News

*Cop that new Ghostface album, More Fish yet? I'm feelin it: hot beats + Ghost + The Theodore Unit = hot album. I like it better than Kingdom Come.
*Speaking of music, check out Deezo, b.k.a. Key of 'D'eezo, on his Myspace Music Page.
<==== That's him
*Has anybody heard the new Nas album? How is it? Lemme know!
*Cirque De Soleil is coming to Atlanta! But look @ the prices...
*If you think things are going bad in your life, read this story about Jermareo Davidson, basketball player for Alabama. Remember, somebody always has it worse.

JURY DUTY: Who I would LOVE to meet

THE FAB 5
=========>
These guys are zesty, hilarious and fabulous all at the same time. Carson is my favorite. And I love the tips they have. They seem like they are so much fun to hang with! As a matter of fact, they remind me of my neighbors Andre & Dashaun and all their friends. They don't worry about what people think, have the funniest jokes, and of course... look fabulous doing that shit! If they added these two to Q.E., the ratings would go through the roof!

JURY DUTY vs. B.S.

Why do people get in your car and think they're going to be the DJ? Are you paying for my note, maintenance, and have snaps on the petro? No?! Then you gets no love here.
Why are more than half of the shows that come on TV stupid as hell. There is so much bullshit on TV these days that Tyra needs to do a show about it... because it's truly an epidemic.
Why do people call me everyday when they know I'm at work? Then the don't talk about shit. That couldn't wait until after 9pm?

JURY DUTY: Shout Out

A few blogs are giving out some great gifts & stocking stuffers! Check them out for yourself & browse around:
Crunk & Disorderly- Lacefronts (color & style of your dreams)
Fool's Paradise- Lawn Mowers, Leaf Blowers, & Elmo (just to name a few)
Young Old Soul- Cookies & Cupcakes for that ass!
Thurdsay Night Feaver-Reh Dogg Video DVD Collection & topless pics of LaMichael (LOL!)

And for all of my regular visitors: I have an assortment of bubble gum, pixy-stix, and red gummy fish to choose from. But don't get used to this shit! It's just a treat for the holidays. Remember... I turn Muslim in from the 20th through 26th.

JURY DUTY vs. THE 'RIGHT MANS' WORLD

Being left-handed, I have to struggle everyday to fit in to this 'Right-Handed World.' Since I was younger, I was forced to become ambidextrous because everything is directed towards the 'right man.' When I was taught to play sports, instructors would teach me right-handed even thought I was left-handed. Notebooks, cars... pretty much everything you see is made for the right handed people. I'm starting a revolution! A lady in New Orleans once told me that left-handed people are the product of the devil... sick voodoo bitch!

JURY DUTY: Random News

Movies to see this weekend:
In Persiut of Happyness
Blood Diamond

-Nichole Richie arrested on a DUI.
-Foxy Brown goes back to court, again
-Busta Rhymes gets caught with machete
-Ghostface album: 'More Fish' in stores TODAY!
-My favorite video: Beautiful & Classy

JURY DUTY vs. THE SCENT

Have you ever smelled a smell so good that you can't get it off your mind? It smells like it should be called, "Orgasm In A Bottle" or some shit! I can't get this smell off my mind! It's a guy I met at the sportsbar last weekend, Mr. Smell Good. Forget the grocery store guys, Mr. Smell Good has the 'it' that I'm looking for. Good sense of humor, nice teeth, clean cut, older... I'd say mid-30's, Giants fan, and he's from Jersey, too. Sunday he gave me his business card, so I'm going to have to go some investigating. But damn! That scent is enought to make me go crazy! That shit had me open... I think he put vodoo on me! SOMEBODY HELP, DAMNIT!

JURY DUTY: Sports News

This weekend I won ALL of my money back! It was so victorious!
-My Giants won against the Panthers
-Eagles beat Washington
-Next week... good game; Giants & Eagles play each other-"Hoe-Mo", Terrell "Hoe-ens," and Dallas lost to New Orleans!
-Rest of the league scores-League standings
-This weeks schedule

JURY DUTY vs. DATING

This weekend was definitely the come-up. Saturday afternoon I was at the grocery store and ran into three potentials. Saturday night I went out with one guy. Mr. Lawyer is 32, from Philly, handsome, beautiful teeth, and no children. Problem with him: He was trying way to hard to get back to my place. I had to hit the brakes on him. I was always told to bring my own transportation just in case of situations like that. I gave him that Young Old Soul 'two fingers to the side' treatment! Second guy is Mr. Cool Pose. He's 34, from New York, really good-looking, owns his own business, likes football, nice teeth. Problem with him: he has two kids. The third guy, Mr. Chi-Town, is 30, decent-looking, had a career, and dressed really nicely. Problem with him: Yet to be determined. I did meet a fourth guy, but when he smiled he had Gargamel teeth... and I'm good on that 'ish.

JURY DUTY: Music News

Ghostface- More Fish 12/12
Nas- Hip Hop Is Dead 12/19
Jim Jones- A Dipset X-mas (Came out 12/5)

-Wendy Williams interviews Carmen! (TV Clip & Longer Version)
-Drama @ The 10th Annual Mixtape Awards at The Apollo Theatre in NY last night

JURY DUTY vs. MY RANDOM THOUGHTS

-My pet turtle gets mad when I go to change his water pond and flips his self on his back and gives me the 'bitch, you better hurry... don't f**k with me' side-eye. Cunty bastard...
-I wonder if dwarfs and midgets get offended when they see their 'own kind' playing Christmas Elves? (Kinda like how I get offended seeing people like Flav and his coonery.)
-If you ever got married and your spouse cheated on you... what would you do? Me? I would cut off his penis, stuff it in the blender, and make a slushie out if it so the doctor can't sew it back on! He'd just have a stump! Bwahaha! What can you stick a stump into!?! That's why I'm happily single...

JURY DUTY vs. THE PENIS CREW

I have to put the 'Penis Crew' on trial because they are habitual violators. Now all members of the crew... but a vast majority! Here's what sparked the arrest warrant...

Two Penis Crew Members are having a conversation about a woman
Penis 1 says: "Yeah, she acts like a bitch, though."
Penis 2 responds: "Yeah, she does seem like a bitch."
*pause*
Penis 1: "I'll hit that, though!"
Penis 2: *co-signed*
Me: "WTF?"

What the hell is the whole, "That bitch has one wonkey-eye, knock-kneed, and smells like the chicken of the sea... but I'll hit that, though." thing with men? In their defense, The Penis Crews feels that the statement, "I'll hit that though," is a condense, unabridged conversation between two men and that it should be taken as a complement.

What do you, THE JURY, think?

JURY DUTY vs. THE WORLD

What is going on in the world? Is is just me or is the world getting worse as the days pass? Everyday I hear about someone killing or harming their child: a woman & her boyfriend in Alabama, a woman microwaving her baby to death in Ohio, and a woman who mixed her baby's formula with vodka in Denver. Between that... the NYPD / Atlanta PD recklessly killing people, all this racist KKKramer 'ish going on, and just regular everyday bulls**t... I think people are losing their damn minds.

JURY DUTY vs. BILLBOARD H.A.M.

Did you see the Billboard Music Awards last night? *SMH* Here's a rundown if you missed it (you didn't miss much.) Gwen Stefani ====> looked like a damn fewl with that tablecloth print onsey... yodeling?!? Mary caught the spirit once again and at one point was either channeling Little Richard or the spirit of a wounded cat. Atlanta's own T.I. came sporting his Rikers Island inspired extra tight ass pants sag and smedium hoodie. This was truly a Heavenly H.A.M. event! The only highlights: Janet performing (minus Thug Misses b.k.a. Chief Sleeping Tittays) & Rhianna beating Placenta Breath Beyonce.

JURY DUTY: Sports News

NFL NEWS
WOW! Ealges beat Carolina with Garcia (2nd string QB)
Current League standings
This weekends schedule

NBA NEWS
Last nights scores
Schedules: Tonight, Wednesday, and Thursday
Kobe gets that 'ho sit down' after ankle sprain

JURY DUTY vs. DUMB THINGS

-Men that keep saying "I need a woman that (fill-in blank)" in your presence, do it about a million times, and KNOW their talking about you... but to pussy to say anything to you directly. {I'm gonna need for you to grow some balls.}
-When people live in the past. "I wish we were..." "I wish we could've..." "I wish things..." I wish they would just shut up with that Aladdin 'ish! {Annoying! I wish you'd quit livin in the past... live for now mafukka!}
-When your out on a date with a man and he feels necessary to comment on another woman. "Damn, she's cute," or some 'ish like that. That's my cue to dip out. {That shit is disrespectful as hell. I know your mother taught you better.}
-When people call you just to put you on hold and have a whole separate convo. {I have a 30 second rule just for that ass!}

JURY DUTY vs. FAKE FRIENDS

Case #: Friends...HowManyOfUsHaveThem

Everybody does Spring cleaning, but I do my cleaning every season. The saying goes that everybody is in your life for a reason or a season. It's time to double check that list because some mofo's are outta line. I've already started crossing names off my list and some more are coming. And theres no second string... either I fux with you or I don't. I already had to blackout on a so called 'friend'... I need to put my own ass on trial after this weekend! Does Jerzeygyrl have to cut a bitch?!

JURY DUTY: Shout Out

Love to all my peoples who come by to visit the gyrl!

You ever just think of some funny shit while your zoned and just bust out laughing?! I just thought about the time when I was 5 and my momz beat my brothers ass with a Hot Wheels track, broke it, then grabbed an extension cord! He got caught watching my fathers porn! Bwahaha! Classic moment in Tittayballs history... I remember that shit like it was yesterday! I got my ass beat that day too, which I didn't find that funny, because I laughed so hard I literally pissed myself!
...Those were the days!

New Ghostface Promo: More Fish in Stores December 12th

JURY DUTY: OLD SCHOOL VIDEOGAMES

My co-workers and I were sitting around this morning laughing about when we were youngins and all the video games we used to play. Remember when you only knew one move and used to use it non-stop?! Bwaha! Blowing in the cartridge? Did you ever leave the game on and turn the TV off because you got far and didn't want to start over? *I remember I got my ass beat for that* Or when you didn't even know how to play but you used to press all the buttons and still beat somebody?! That was me all day... trying to play Tecmo Bowl. Or when you got pissed off playing Duck Hunt after that dog laughed at you and you'd put the gun on the screen. *I stole my brothers turn one time and got pistol whipped with the damn gun*

JURY DUTY: Sports News

Ocho Cinco & The Natti Crew beat B'more last night
*I know Jedidiah & E are lovin it*
-Vick donates to firefighters family
-This weekends NFL Schedule

Kobe hits 52
Iverson fined for missing mandatory function... he blames the meds (maybe it was really Carmen)
-Last nights NBA Scores
-NBA schedules for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday