THE JURY vs. TEXT & PIC MESSAGING

Ever since I got my new phone months ago- I love text and picture messaging! But now I'm convinced that it is the product of Satan. Ever since I've been texting I've had to catch myself typing formal letters/e-mail using ur, str8, and several other text usage type words. On top of that, have you ever sent a text message to the wrong person? It can be complete devastation! [Is that velvet?] Your heart starts racing like you just stole from your mamma! (Not that I've stole from my momz or anything... I'm just sayin. *givin you the side-eye* Don't front like you never took some change to go buy some candy or something!! ...I was gonna pay her back...)

THE JURY vs. WORK MUDD BUTT

There's nothing worse than having gas at work... than mudd butt. Your bubbling inards are making you go to the bathroom every 5 to 10. You know those kinds of shits that make you feel like somebody let a cork out your ass and the shit just pours out!? *cringes* On top of that, you know the person who just walked into the bathroom wants to yell out, "Got Damyn! Did your ass explode? You stank mafukka!" But instead they opt to whisper about your ass when you leave. And I'm not speaking from experience... I'm just sayin (lol!) Have a good weekend. And go cop that tissue with the aloe' in it... it's like an orgasm for your butthole.

JURY DUTY vs. "REALITY" TV

This can't be the future of television! I Love NY with those wack ass guys, extra emotional and cunty New York, and that white guy that used to pick his boogies. (But when that guy told her he was gonna snatch her cigarettes and smoke them up last week, that shit was funny... I still think she liked it. She seems like one of those dramatic bitches that likes domestic violence.) Now 3-6 Mafia is getting a reality show?!? This shit has to stop! Who in the name of Mike Jones... Who? Mike Jones, wants to look at Crunchy Blacks ass if they don't have to?? That mafukka looks like mix between Flav and a burnt ass Newport. And I know I wasn't the only one who was waiting for Heater Mills leg to fly off during Dancing With the Stars last night!? (Yeah, I'm going to hell for that one. Who's coming with me?) If I had a chance to make a reality TV series- DipSet TV. That shit would be joooookes! Meet me on the darkside bitches--

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!

What are your plans? Hanging out, streaking, gettin high, playing with your cat, maybe your going to watch To Catch a Predator if it comes on? (That's my show!) As for me, I won't be doing shit because I'm broke! That's what happens when you have to pay the government on a payment schedule every 1st and the 15th like the drug dealers that they are. I can't begin to tell you how happy I'll be next month at this time. Somma-a-bitches taking money from me like I'm rich! Can you say extortion? I have a new plan: Pimpin both men & women. Gay, straight... shit, I don't care if their purple with blue stripes, bitch betta get my scratch. Yeah , that's right. You just might see me on the street with Kelis-type pink hair and a matching fur, bitches!

JURY DUTY: Random News

-Disney has the first black animated princess in The Frog Princess
(I just don't know where to begin even commenting on that)
-Fuck what ya heard! Jim Jones pure comedy. Who thinks of shit like this?
-Upcoming releases: Redman & Fabolous both drop on the 27th
-People with skank breff stay turning down gum
-Lupe... you know your homeboy done fucked up, right?
-I'm addicted to the game Text Twist

JUDGE TITTAY: Karma Cleanser

I just thought I would share with you something that ran through my mind today. I was cutting across some grass and spotted some dog s#*t which sent my mind floating into the past. *insert fog and harps* When I was little I remember my mom telling me not to play in my church clothes. Well, shit, I wanted to play and she wasn't watching-- so I ran in the grass and stepped in some fresh gooey doggie dookie! I did my best at the tender age of 5 to scrape the mushy poo off the bottom of my shoe onto the curb. By the time we got in the church, the dookey had a potent odor that made my stomach do flips and turns. Luckly, everyone thought it was this old lady sitting next to me that looked like she had one foot in the grave. After church I ran in the bathroom and cleaned it off and no one ever knew it was me. God bless her soul...

JURY DUTY vs. BOOGIE BANDITS

Everday, my commute is pretty hectic. What highly disturbs me is that I see numerous people digging up their nose like there's gold up there! That.shit.is.NASTY! Where do you put that boogie? Under the seat, on the steering wheel, or do they flick it so the destination is unknown? Then, what even further disturbs me is that you might get in the car with a Boogie Bandit and NOT EVEN KNOW IT! You could have boogies on you right now! Ewwww! Next time you see a Boogie Bandit, let them know your disgusted and give them the nasty face when your driving next to them. Let's all band together to stop the Boogie Bandit Madness!

TV News: AMERICAN IDOL

Since I'm working overnight now, I miss most of the episodes. But from what I've seen- this season there are some people that can sang chile! My favorite is the girl that was the back-up singer, Melinda. But what slayed me today is that they were talking about on the news here today is how the one girl, from Jersey, had a controversal background. Who doesn't?!? Me: I cuss a lot, kicked my brother once so hard in his balls I gave him a hernia, I smoked weed for years and loved it, still get pisst ass drunk on occasion, am curently in the process of making a women's club called W.A.L.K.- Women Against Little Kocks. I wonder if they'll still let me be the next Idol? My question to you is: What would they find on your American Idol background check? Why or Why not?