It's May! What's the plan?

Since it's halfway throught the year... have you stuck to your resolutions? Decided to say 'fuck it' and do just the opposite? Or maybe you just made a whole new plan? I recently had to revise my life... re-arrange some people, a little fitness, and get some bangs cut. Ever since I channeled Rhianna, my 8-head Leader, my stock went up tremendiously! I guess CoCo was right! I think I even caught an upgrade in the Man Department this weekend. This year is starting to take a turn for the better, bitches! (Let's hope so, because I'm moving to the City of Brotherly Violence soon. Let's hope murder capitol equals cheap rent. At least I know it's cheaper than Jersey.)

JURY DUTY BREAK

SPORTS
Barry Bonds 17 homers away from breaking Hank Aaron's career record of 755.
Bulls beat Miami Heat in playoff opener. Click here for full schedule
MUSIC
Why does it seem like T-Painful for my eyes, Akon, R. Kelly, or Young Jock-Itch are on every damn song that come on?!?
LIFE
It's almost halfway though the year. Still on my list to do: Vegas, Cruise the Caribbean, and Brazil. (I know damn well I don't have that kind of vacation time! lol!)
TV
Tyra needs to do a show about men with small penis' because that is truly an epidemic

THE JURY vs. 8-heads

I'm guilty too! I have an 8-head. What is an 8-head, you ask? A forehead with an extension. Super-sized. Tyra Banks-esque. I've been having issues with my 8-head lately. I had this bright idea last week to get some bangs cut, to act as some curtains or blinds if you will, for my 8-head. The summertime is coming and there's nothing worse than being two-toned. My 8-head gets black as hell and the rest of my body is the color of some rotisserie chicken. That's not cute. Since I'm new to the 8-head bangs thing, I've been working on my curling iron skills. Practice makes perfect, right? I hope so, because my shit looks like somebody took some lit cigarettes and put them out on my dome! (No... that's not me in that picture! But she looks like a victim, too. Either that or a wicked dragon spit hot acid at her ass!) Any suggestions? Should I try wrapping them? Please help save my 8-head from this abuse!

JURY vs. LIFE's B.S.

You ever quit caring? I don't mean on some suicidal type ish, but just stopped caring about your job, all the drama, all the extra unnecessary cuntiness, and all of life's b.s. around you? My life feels like the movie Office Space at times. It seems like everywhere you go cuntiness just follows you like a stank egg-smellin fart. I'm ready to quit my job and join the circus! Maybe I'll be the Monkey Lady or the Cotton Candy Maker. That shouldn't be hard. (I know I won't be messin with the clowns real tough though. Since Killer Clowns From Outer Space- I've been on some other shit.) I could travel for free and at least I'd be the normal one out of the group. Just one question! Who's commin with me?!?!

THE JURY vs. SPONGEBOB

I've been going over my homegyrls house and every time I'm over there her son is watching Spongebob. I've been sucked in and lately I just sit there and watch. Now I can't get that damn "It's the Best Day Ever" song outta my head. I'm sitting at work humming it as I type! I find myself thinking about Crabbie Cakes and laughing in a Spongebob mannor. I'm relating everyday people to Patrick and Plankton. I'm beginning to think I'm hypnotized! Does this happen to you too... or should I seek professional help? Spongebob is destroying me slowly, but surely! How could something so innocent be so dangerous? I'm beginning to think Spongebob is a cover-up to convert all of the next generation into Scientologist!

SHOUT OUT TO THE DICK DEALER!

Happy Friday! There is nothing in the world like some good, freaky, hot, sensual sex. Shout Out to my Dick Dealer, Juicyfruit, for making all of those and a long list of other things possible. You know it's some good sex when you'll be sitting at your desk at work thinking about it and just the thought alone sends shivers up your spine. I swear he put some voodoo on my ass with his magicstick *sigh*

JURY vs. GROWN ASS PEOPLE FIGHTS

I recently caught up with an old associate and he said he never saw me fight. Reguardless of the fact that I haven't seen his ass in madd long (over 14 years), why would that matter? We're almost 30. You really think I want some psycho ass broad pullin on my hair and trying to scratch my face so that I can look like a rabbid kat attacked me? Fight over what? A guy? Yeah, ok... picture that. (Speaking of dumb ass broads fighting over men, did the finale of I love NY come on yet?) NO penis-carrying individual is worth me getting into any fight over. I'm 27 years old... what the hell do I look like fighting over some bullshit? Plus, I just got my nails done. FYI: I have all older brothers boo boo. I throw punches- I don't slap & scratch like a pussy. He almost found out about how I really get down after he started talkin reckless. Sometimes people just don't know when to shut the f**k up...

I LOVE COCO LaRUE-WALL!

F**k Lamb Cop lookin New York! CoCo LaMothaFuckinRue-Wall is what's hot for '07 and you bitches need to get wit it! I was so cunty and emotional when I went over to his spot and saw that he gave me the Thinking Bloggers Award <---- My fabulous friend had so many positive things to say that it almost brought a tear to my eye. It's a great feeling being loved. =)

I even made a speech! *Goes in my tittayballs and pulls out paper* Thank God, first and foremost, because without him none of this would be possible. Thanks to CoCo for being so kind, fabulous, and fierce! I love you and Paul Wall! And finally, thank you to all the jury... the people who comment and have me cracking up at work. I love you all!!! *Gives a Miss America wave and exits stage left*

My Top 5 Picks:
-emptyHeart- Hurt.ME.Soul
-Shaq- A Fool's Paradise
-DaReal- Stuck In A Quarter Life Crisis
-Leon- Gypsy Pimp Chronicles
-Honey-Libra- Life Through My Eyes

1. If you get tagged, write a post with links to five blogs that make you think
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin
3. Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' logo.
4. You must give a cuntastical thank you speach.

As a matter of fact... I'm about to break a rule. I'm giving ALL the blogs linked <------- to tha Left, to tha Left an Award because I love them all. (I know some of you were awarded previously and rightfully deserve it!) So don't try to do me like Vanessa Williams and take my crown honey... because I'm not giving it back! I will slap a bitch. Don't test me!